Fathers Words To His Children and Wife

The Importance of a Fathers Words to his Children and Wife

I hope, if you are a regular visitor to Kasey’s blog (my wife) you are starting to see that both Kasey and I have different stories to tell and sometimes we even see things differently. However generally speaking most things we see eye to eye on and we have had the privilege or raising two of the most beautiful daughters any parent could ever raise. One of the most important aspects I have realised are the power of a fathers words to his daughter and to his wife.

I believe it is a father’s and husband’s job to do their best to keep things light and humorous, and a fathers words to his children or a husbands words to his wife will have a direct impact on the future. Life gets busy and stressful and no one needs an angry, stubborn, pig headed male trudging around the house and giving short answers and terrible looks. Or one that comes home from work all stressed out because of what is happening in the office or work site and then has nothing nice to say to the family. Instead of giving words of praise or looks of love, they give guttural responses that best left in the pig sty or looks that are guaranteed to give him the cold shoulder that night and many nights to come. So in that light, my story on a father’s words is going to be a little light but at the same time, it will hit some key points.

Kasey has helped me time and time again to realise that not just the words I speak as a father are important but the way I say them. I am a tall man, and relatively fit, and I can come across quite intimidating. Kasey helped me see this and it broke me. The thought that my presence would scare our daughters was too much to bare, so from that day on, I made it my mission to always talk gently and lovingly to both Kasey and to my girls.

I remember one time, our 1 of our girls was quite young and she did something naughty and I raised my voice to her, I realised what I had done, and Samara said to me “Dad it’s ok, you can get mad at me.” Talk about breaking down every barrier and removing all frustration in an instant. At that moment, I saw who God had given me, this beautiful little girl who needed her Dad to give kind loving words and to be the Dad that is fun.

That moment has stayed with me, it happened well over 10 years ago, and even now, when she is in trouble for not cleaning her room or putting the dishes away (yes we have challenges in those areas as well), I remember this beautiful little girl telling me “Dad it’s ok, you can get mad at me”. So I have learnt that a father’s words need to be low and not raised, they need to be loving and gentle. When there are troubles, yes discipline needs to happen, but then I remember what Kasey told me, that I am tall and big and I need to be careful I am not intimidating our daughters.

Our youngest daughter, is a lot like me. Neither of our daughters are week willed, if you knew Kasey and I, you would see why lol. Our family are very strong minded but I like to think, very loving. Anyway, I had to learn with her very quickly (actually it wasn’t quickly, it took me ages) that a father’s words and the WAY a fathers words are conveyed is everything.

I have learned that we have less arguments when we spend more time with one another. One of the things we love to do is play games together. Board games mostly. We talk and laugh and yes she lets me win sometimes (seriously, I was told by a man I respect that I should make sure I let my daughters win, I don’t need to do that, because they beat me anyway). I love seeing both our girls smile and really enjoy our time together, I put my mobile phone away and just focus on each child. During these times, I give them lots of kind and encouraging fathers words, words from Daddy (they don’t call me that anymore, they are now 17 and 14 and too old for that 😉 ) but I still see myself as Daddy. Our youngest loves board games etc and when she wins a game, I tell her how good she is, but when I win, we quickly setup another game to see if she can beat me. I like her to win the last game.

To go a completely different direction now, I want to talk about a husband’s words to his wife in front of his children. Our children will see the way they should treat their partner by our example. If we as parents are not setting a good example of showing love to our partners, we need to remember that we are the role model to them. I am always asking myself, am I a good example of a husband for my daughters. Yes I make mistakes and stuff up, actually I make a lot of them. But how do my girls see me with their Mummy and also how does their Mummy respond. We are both role models. One on what to do the other on how to respond.

A father’s words many times are words that are not even given to the children, they are the words that are or are not given to the wife/mummy. Do our kids see a parent who is excited to receive a call from the partner or do they see a parent who is annoyed at the intrusion. Do our kids see a parent who knows how to show affection and return that affection or do they see someone that is closed. Do they see a parent who shows love in the partners love language and is continuing to learn and grow or someone that doesn’t want to because it is too hard.

A father’s words are everything to his children and to his family. Take this opportunity to look at this check list and see if there are any areas you could do better at with your children and with your partner:

  1. When you’re with your children, are you distracted by other things: Work, phone, TV, Friends. Nothing and no-one is more important other than your partner.
  2. When you come home, are you preparing yourself for your family responsibilities by leaving the work stuff at work or are you taking them through the door with you. If you have a demanding job, can you leave your work stuff until after kids are in bed and family stuff is done?
  3. How do your kids see you communicating to your partner. Do you speak loving kind and affectionate words, or guttural annoyed words.
  4. How do you answer the phone when your partner calls, is it just “yeah” or is it “hi honey”.
  5. Do you smile and listen intently.
  6. When around people, do you sing your kids praises and your partners praises, or do you just expect them to know how good they are. I love the saying. Praise in public, rebuke in private”.
  7. Is there a lot of laughter, if not, what can you do to bring it.

You see our kids will learn from the father’s words what to say to their partners and friends. They will mimick us and do what we do. For me personally, I want to be a good example, I want them to see and hear me respond gently and kindly. I want them to know how to love and how to be kind and how to speak. I may not be perfect (yeah, yeah I know I am not), but at least if I give it my best, then they will know what they want in a husband in the future and what they don’t.

So here’s my thoughts for all you dad’s on a father’s words. Be a man, talk to your wife with love and shower her with words of love and I mean SHOWER HER, you are the example to your sons and to your daughters. Ask yourself a serious question, do you want your sons to treat their wife the way you treat your wife and then if you have a daughter, ask yourself do I want men to treat her the way I treat her mother.

A fathers words is where it all starts. But in my mind and heart it all comes from The Father Himself. Our Father in Heaven. Draw close to Him and He will show you what to do. But NOW is the time for change, so lets get it done!

I hope you enjoyed this post from my hubby.

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Kasey Hannan photo

Wife to an hunk of a man, mother of two incredible daughters and nuclear physicist (Not really but sometimes I feel like I should know everything)











Raising Healthy Kids Today by Kasey Hannan

Skype: kaseyhannan

Email: kasey@raisinghealthykidstoday.com
“Let’s Raise Great Kids Today So They Look After Us When We Are Old, Yes There Is A Method To My Madness 😉 ”

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